KARS
by Barnable
Summary: One day, when Merlin takes his regular break at the tavern, he is attacked by a strange group of people. Luckily he is able to stop them, but not before he finds out their evil plan... to kill all royalty.
1. Chapter 1

Merlin had just been sitting at the side of the feast when he saw a person he did not recognize. He thought maybe they looked a little bit shady so he went up to them and put his hands on his hips, adjusting his neckerchief ever-so slightly.

"Wyd m8?" Merlin asked, briefly sticking one finger up his nose.

"Idk I just am looking to KILL PRINCE ARTHUR!"

Merlin gasped. He could not believe what he was hearing. "Y would u do that m9 that's not a cool thing to do. Plz don't do dat plz."

"U CANNOT STOP ME!" He yelled loudly, punching merlin's finger right out of his nose. He took off running towards Arthur and then threw a knife at his face. Luckily Merlin used his magic and turned it around so it would not hit Arthur. It instead hit the shady guy who got hit right in the eyeball and exploded on impact.

Nobody noticed this except for Gaius who came up to Merlin right away, his one eyebrow raised as it always was. He dragged Merlin out of the room and took him down the hallway, then went up close to his ear and whispered into it.

"Merlin I know dat dude dat u explodeded!" He whispered shouted. "It was this guy frum many yeerz ago ad he is part of the KILL ALL ROYALTY society he must have been here to kill ALL ROYALTY!"

Merlin gasped. "Yes Uther that is wut he telled me b4. He says that he want kill Arthur so I stopped him and blowed him up."

"O ok good then but more wil b coming u better go warn de others b4 is too late. Btw I am Gaius not Uther dummy dum dum"

"Ok will go now and tell Arthur and sorry u both look the same like super old and stuff so ok bye now dued u my fav m80 EVER."

Merlin waddled upstairs and went into arthur's room, where he was now in there because the feast had ended while Gaius and Merlin was talking and he was getting ready for bed. He was not wearing a shirt and u could see his hot, fatty, muscle-less body clear in da moonlite.

"ARTHUR I THINK PPLS IS COME 2 KILL U!" Merlin cried out, not hesitating before speaking.

Arthur gasped. "O NO" he sayd "WUT DO WE DO?!"

"Idk. Nothing?"

"ok."

And so they sat down on the bed, doing nothing but staring at the wall in silence.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gaius had gone to tell Uther about the KILL ALL ROYALTY SOCIETY.

Uther gasped when he heard Gaius's news. He could not believe his very ears at the fact that there was ppl out to KILL ALL ROYALTY!

"Then there is only one thing we can do," Uther said intelligently. "We must kill everyone in the village!"

"No!" Gains cried. "You can't do that, you idiot highness."

"W/e m8. I'm king I can do what I want. KNIGHTS! KILL AL CITIZEDNS!"

Gaius cried out as the Knights went into the city and starts to kill all of the citizens.


	2. Chapter 2

LightskyxDarkfeather: thx 4 teh kind review. i am happy i made u laugh. i did not mean to make merlin australian but i thinks that is a cool caracter trayt so i am gonna keeps it. also i will not write m9 again so dont worry :)

* * *

Merlin diguiseded himshelf as a old man so dat da PPL out to KILL ALL ROYALTY would not recognised him wen he talked to them because he kind of thought of himself as ROYALTY and he did NOT wanna die anytime soon.

He walked into the bar with his cane bc he was too old to do it on his own so he was just like old and weak and stuff. As soon as he noticed where all of the KILL ALL ROYALTY club was sitting he walked up to them and said

"REDUCTOOOOOO!" he gasped as nothing at all happened. Perhaps he had said the wrong thing? "ZOO ZEEMMY BEEBY GWEEBR BOO BAH ZEE ZOOH ZAM!"

Then all of the KILL ALL ROYALTY guys blew up. He was happy that he saved the kingdom and ready to go give his credit to Arthur when suddenly he noticed a bunch of shady people wearing t-shirts that say "Kill All ROYALTY Society". He gasped as he realized that he accidentally killelled da wrong pplz¡!

After his first spell had failed it turned out that he had accidentally spun around and walked to the other side of the room while trying to remember what the actual spell was. Somehow he had mistakenly kild a group of tourists visiting from another kingdomdom but Merlin was not sure which one bc he was bad at remembering names and copepods.

Frantic, Merlin spinned around in cicurclez as he tryed to figured out what he had just sayd. Clearly his last spell would defeet the baddiz, but he coulds not remmembers wut that spell wuz.

"ZEMMY GWEEBAH BLEEBO BLOOHBAH!" he yelled, pointing a bottle at the anganagry group. They did nots mov but stareded att him oddely.

"U wanna go bros?" one of the KILL ALL ROYALTY ppl quireied.

"nah" another answered "there is no way this dumy wil beet us."

"tru he is too dum"

The second dued noddeded. "Definatly," he agreeeded.

Meanwhiles, Merlin was stil tryna figure out howw he wuz spose to make them blwo up. WHAT had he sayd b4?

Not able to remememember wut he sayd and not nowing wut else 2 do, merlin pulled his cellfone out of hijs neckerchief and placed it up to his nose. "GAIUS" HE SHOUTED INTO IT "I NEEDS U!"

"4 wut?" said gaius.

"I NEED TO KNOWS WUT A SPELL IS TO DO TO BLOW PPLS UP OR SOMETHING IDK M10."

"Bruh I cant hear u. Cellphones aint invented yet so u gotta come talk to me in person!"

"?" merlin questionsed.

"stfu n get over here NOW so I can tell u the spell DUMMIE."

With that last mean capitalizwed word, gaius hung up and merlinin was left on his ownsome in the bar. He noed tht hee had 2 get to gaius, and so he walked towardss the dooor hopeing to maek it there & bak b4 the baddie villain guys lefted the tavern buildin and was gone 4 gud.

However, as he trieded 2 leeve, one of the t-shirt werin KILL ALL ROYALTY SOCIETY guys stepped in his way.

"U aint goin no ware punk," he sayd menacingly.


End file.
